Like this:

Ah yes, the Washlet. A perfectly bleached-white example of how the Japanese have the porcelain ability to take a Western concept, such as of pooping-while-sitting, and use their innovative minds and technological know-how to improve upon and make it better.

Yes, meet the Washlet. One of Japan’s finest inventions.

"Hey, I'm a Washlet!" "Need to poo?"

You may have already guessed what washlet does from the “wash” and the “-let” found in the words etymology, but did you know that these things have heated seats?

The answer is:

NO!

You, the unenlightened, would have never even been able to grasp the notion such a wondrous thing until the cheeks of your pale buttocks would have the supreme pleasure of being pressed against the thickened D-shaped lid of such a wonderfully conceptualized Japanese contraption.

Not only would you would shudder with joy as your excrement left your heated cheeks, you would have the curious (and daring) opportunity to FINALLY try out that green button labeled, “oshiri”.

“It seems to be the right angle…” you puzzle to yourself.

BUT NO!

Perhaps you would be reluctant on your fist try. Perhaps you would prefer to remain in your safe-zone and use your “smear-rags” (that can hardly be considered sanitary when you really think about it).

Yes, perhaps you would encounter such a mental conundrum on your first encounter with a Washlet – but just you wait! Wait until you sit back down again for your 2nd, 3rd, or 4th pleasantly warm ride.

That shining green “oshiri” button screaming out at you to be pushed…

The warmness of the seat making you relish the thought of adventure…

Yes, we living here have all experienced it.

One day, when you are least expecting it, you might be reaching out for your comforting “smear-rags”, but you may suddenly find your finger has, unconscious to you, secretly placed itself upon THAT button.

“What? Why not?” you think to yourself.

“I hear other dudes using it all the time” you recall.

You then begin thinking of the countless times you heard those gurgly hissing noises which breached the pathetically thin walls that separated you and the persons who have just finished excreting last nights dinner.

Your finger twitches, and hesitates with the excitement of the impending adventure.

“Finally…” !

*Blip*

*ZZZhhg, Whhhirr*

OMG! Whats that noize?

Something mechanical must be extending beneath my comfortably heated ass!

*Shhp, Shhhhhk*

ZOMGROLF!

RIGHT ON TARGET!

*Shhp, Shhhp, Sheeerrrrrrp*

FFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU~!

ITS WARM~~~!

*ZZZhhg, Whhhirr, SHhhhh*

Am I done?

OMG! I did IT!

…

…

…

Hey, is that a radio?